Practice Girl

I slump down around the corner in the shadows where hopefully no one will see me ever again. After a few minutes, during which I do genuinely look at the sky, which is amazing, Sam shows up. Here you are! You okay?
Yeah, totally. I consider. Wait, why did you come find me? Did Jen say something to you?
Leah, he says. She just said you seemed a little upset or something.
Nope, I m excellent.
Feelings are such a drag and right now I have way too many of them.
Sam.
Yeah?
I m not totally excellent.
I know. He takes my hand.
I don t know why I get like this. I could go play beer pong or pool or get in the hot tub and maybe I would have fun. But my stomach is cavernous and my heart is hollow, and I don t know how I got here.
Even with Sam there are things I don t want to talk about, and I m too raw to let him in on the extent of all this. It s like I m never going to fit anywhere, except maybe in that stinky gym.
Which is why we re going to keep you there permanently.
Ugh, may I escape such a fate. By the way, I say, grateful for the change of subject, you know Dax Furlong is here?
Yeah, we played some pool. He seems all right. A little full of himself, but whatever. Sam shakes his head, then nudges me. Come on, it s cold. Let s go play! I ll let you win.
Sam pushes himself off the wall to stand up, hand still in mine, but before he can, Ty and Amber stroll out in front of us like they have all the time and space in the world, feet kicking softly against the grass.
I don t want to stay but I also don t want to emerge from the shadows of the wall, so I tug on Sam s arm for him to keep still and be quiet. It only takes me half a second more to realize that by not moving I have now become the creepster I was trying to avoid being, but it s already too late. We ll have to wait them out.
Amber settles on a swing, and Sam gives me a look like if swinging is involved it could take a lot longer than it seemed it was going to a few

Estelle Laure

*"A  must  for  teens  who  can  handle  sexually  explicit  material,  and  who  are interested in . . . feminism and challenging stereotypes."
SLJ (starred review)

"A powerful, poignant story about a girl rewriting her story on her own terms. Jo Beckett's journey of sexual and emotional agency is at once tender, painful, hilarious, and courageous."
Kathleen Glasgow, New York Times bestselling author of Girl in Pieces

"Warm and funny and charming and smart."
Katie Cotugno, New York Times bestselling author of 99 Days

"No one captures the complexities of teenage girldom like Estelle Laure. A deeply felt, unflinchingly relatable, and ultimately empowering novel about the unjust double standards and dehumanizing labels that girls and women are often forced to navigate. Readers will cheer for Jo!"
Kerry Kletter, author of The First Time She Drowned

"Jo s introspective, funny first-person narrative voice is alive with poignancy and...pulls no punches in its emotional honesty. A relationship-focused story told with intelligence and wit." 
Kirkus Reviews

"Through Jo's first-person narration, which often rings painfully true, Laure captures with painful precision one teen girl's journey to self-discovery and self-awareness. A contemplative and compelling look at female sexuality and the double standards that accompany it."
Booklist

"Laure demonstrates a keen understanding of adolescent interactions, and not only romantic ones. Jo s reflections on her relationships with family and friends in particular her complicated feelings for Sam are nuanced and insightful."
The Horn Book